I gained some weight (the boyfriend layer) but I’ve been working out for quite sometime and need more to inspire or motivate me! I went with the idea if I look better I’ll also feel better, so I switched my hair and bought new shoes and clothes. 

     I need some “me” time, but feel like i wouldnt know what to do with it! The fact that I’m a year away from graduation and have no idea what I’m going do after is also wearing me down.

(Signed) My funk is not funky…

Cass: I lost my mojo for a bit there. You need things to look forward to or work toward. Treat yourself and keep realistic expectations. Go to a personal trainer for a session and get your ass kicked. Update your iPod with summer tunes and get yourself in the mood at the gym that way. It’s okay to lose your mojo once in a while, but use that to motivate you to get back on top of things. Just don’t let it get you in a rut of procrastination.

AV1: I think what would help you is a fresh perspective, so plan a long weekend away, by yourself, with the girls, whatever you think will give you a chance to relax, rest, and slow down that hamster wheel in your head.

Brynne: Releasing creative energy is always a good idea. Also, see about changing location for a weekend or at least a day. Being someplace new,especially someplace outdoors, forces a shift in perspective and can recharge your batteries.

M: I can’t stress enough how strongly I believe in the power of beauty. If you’re suffering a bit of esteem issues then I always suggest that people beautify themselves. Wear your nice clothes, strut your stuff, do your nails or buy yourself a little trinket.

And even though that’s all on the surface you can start to remember what it was like to HAVE your mojo. I think we lose it and then lose a lot of luster or care to put time and energy into how we see ourselves and then just get lost in the swirl.

(Source: Ask E. Jean)

     Here’s one for ya, should all birth control be free?
     Article

(Signed) A pill for everyone…

Carly: I think that everything outlined in that article would be amazing for women. So many women do not get the proper medical treatment or even knowledge on how to be safe or how to use birth control so this would be a major leap in the right direction.

Lady Sauce: Hell yes!

Carly:  I’m so happy that Florida is going to start drug testing people on public assistence. Now if only other states would follow suit!

E. Jean: Absolutely!! God bless Obama!!!

Brynne: I am one hundred percent behind free birth control, pre-natal care and new mother and baby support.  But drug testing people on public assistance? Give me a freaking break. Who was drug-testing the assholes who destroyed the economy? Who was fact-checking Dick Cheney and his performing monkey when they dragged us into two wars?

Addicts on welfare have an infinitesimal fraction of an effect on any of our daily lives when compared to the horrors wrought by sober old rich men. If people spent as much time trying to legislate and control the people in power as they do blaming and punishing the people who have none, this would be a better country for us all.

Andrew Hunt: Sure. But nothing is free. You’ll be paying a bit more in taxes any time a commodity becomes free.

Josephine: It is disheartening to see people ready and willing to bash those with the least power.  How about all corporate officers get drug tested and mandated birth control if their companies receive government subsidies?  Hell, you can’t be sure if you give birth control pills to welfare mothers they will take them. Let’s drag ‘em in and spay them!

Carly: I think everyone should be spayed at birth until they prove they can be a parent one day (which would knock out most of the population) but that’s another topic for another time.
All ideas about public assistance aside, I really think it’s great that people are trying to make birth control more readily available and affordable so that people who need it can have access to it.

Cass: Birth control in the UK is free. It’s brilliant.

AV1: I think free birth control for all is a fantastic thing!

 Brynne: Me, too!

Renae: Yes free birth control for all! The cost is that our tax money going towards birth control, but it’s far cheaper than the cost of children that are unwanted or uncared for, that the parents can’t afford to have. 18 years of welfare costs far more than birth control.

Josephine: I think it is a fantastic recommendation and I hope it is implemented.

Maggie: Free birth control? Please!  Legalize marijuana? Please!  We are wasting way too many taxpayer dollars on voluminous litigation, jail time, etc.

(Source: Ask E. Jean)

     There is a person in my circle of friends whom we all know has told a big, big lie. It doesn’t affect us personally, but has made us lose respect for this person because there is no reason for the lie in the first place, except to garner attention and adulation.  What are your thoughts on calling the person out?

(Signed) That is a brow raise that shot through the clouds and knocked the saints up in heaven right off their chairs.

M: I used to be your friend. Lying for no reason. And this is my worst nightmare.  Selfishly, I say to just cut them out. You don’t have to out them to get the message through that you think they’re BS. They’re just gonna keep lying anyway since you “believed” all the last ones. No, no, you’re better off without. Whether you send them packing with a sting on the rump is your own choice, but either way, I’d cut them loose. Lying is poison.

Brynne: I would definitely call the person out, but in private and one-on-one. Not in a cruel or mean way. I would simply take the person aside and explain that everyone is talking about the lie and that your mutual circle has lost respect for this person because of the lie.

I would also ask gently what prompted the lie and try to figure out a way to help the person back from it, whether that involves the person apologizing or you making some behind-the-scenes phone calls to smooth things over.  We all get lost sometimes, and we all do stupid things. I wouldn’t cut this person out without trying to salvage things.

Carly: Here is the issue with people who lie like this for attention or whatever else - they are so desperate for it that they actually begin to believe the lie. They think the lie is the truth, no matter how outlandish. I would call them out on it because sometimes people need a wakeup call that the world isn’t falling for it anymore.

AV1: I guess it depends on what the lie was and how close I was to her. If I was close to her, I’d probably say something to her and ask why she felt the need to lie. If I wasn’t close to her and thought the lie was just about her own arrogance, to get attention, I don’t think I’d say anything because me knowing she was lying would be enough. I feel sorry for people like that.

Cass: It does depend on the lie. Is this the first time your friend has lied? I would maybe speak to your friend in private and ask if everything is ok?

Ms Beth: My feeling always is, as a friend you should say something but it depends on the lie and if it would do more than just embarrass her/him to say something. Does this person need to be shocked out of acting this way or would it just be more considerate to let it slide?  Rather than lose respect maybe it could raise compassion.

Maggie: I wonder if this person doesn’t realize other people are listening? I just realized the other day that I look like I’m contradicting myself (on here) because I talk about my huge student loan debt, but I also talk about how I worked my way through school. I probably look like a liar. I probably look a bit off to the careful observer.

(Source: Ask E. Jean)

     I’m in my late twenties, but still have the worldview of a scared, directionless teenager. I’m about to lose my boyfriend because I act so selfishly all the time; and it’s true, I’ve been very spoiled my whole life and really haven’t had to work that hard. I’m afraid that I’ve become something of a flake.
     I know I should be thankful, and I am, but ultimately I have trouble committing to anything, treat my life as if it will all happen in the future, expect my parents to help me when I’m in trouble (because they always have), and ultimately try not to make decisions as if I could stay neutral forever.

(Signed) I NEED TO CHANGE…but how can you become unselfish?

Brynne: Get out in the world and take some risks. Not hang-gliding risks, but emotional ones, employment ones. Cut yourself loose from your safety nets. Do anything that will force you to step up and cope. The only thing that will do that is to actually be strong and competent and you have your life set up so that you never have to be.

When I was 42, I was publicly humiliated both professionally and personally and it was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me.  Was it painful? Like being skinned alive. Was it worth it? I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant another quantum leap in maturity, strength, compassion and grace. I’m not saying you should humiliate yourself, or set yourself up to fail. I’m saying it’s time to get out there and test yourself.

Cass: I was selfish.  I stopped listening to the little voices of doubt and started to take more risks in life from small stupid ones like smiling at people, saying hello and socializing more, to applying for jobs I had always told myself I wouldnt get. I took control of my finances. I moved country for a job and broke up with my then boyfriend because I wanted to start over and was by myself for a year.

You can do it too. You have already acknowledged something has to change. Now you have to go about changing things, for the better. It takes patience and confidence but I am sure you will be fine.

AV1: The fact that you recognize you’re selfish is a big thing - sometimes it’s hard to see ourselves and our behavior clearly. I have a stepdaughter who’s in her mid-20s who has allowed her Dad and I to provide everything she needs up until very recently, when she started showing signs of recognizing when helping a family member turns into mooching.

Having clarity about the situation and wanting/needing to change is the first step toward growing as a person and coming into your own. You have to want it, anon, and work hard for it, esp. if your default position is taking the easy way out.

Ms Beth:  You’ve had your shake up. You recognize it. Now all you do is make individual choices that will empower you. You now know you need to stop and consider others before making a decision - do that and soon enough it will be second nature.

Maggie: I’d like you to consider the possibility that you are simply surrounding yourself with people with values that are different from yours. If your friends want to see a band and you want to go see a movie and you compromise too often? Eventually, you will balk and your emotional reaction will be disproportionate to the apparent conflict. If this sounds like a possibility, you need to stop addressing the apparent conflict and start addressing the underlying integrity.

Carly: The best way I got over my fear of failure was to fail out of college at 19, pick myself back up, get back into school and graduate 3 years later. It showed me that even if I do fail, it doesn’t mean my life is over, it means that I have to pick a different path. Good for you for realizing your bad behavior and reaching out to try to change it. All you can do now is try, and remember that even if you do fail at something, you will succeed at something else so there is nothing to be afraid of!

Maggie: Okay, now I’m on the computer and I can see your post in its entirety without scrolling up and down over the course of several logins.

I stand by my perspective (which may or may not be valid for you), and I’d like to add: I suspect you are noncommittal and/or remain neutral simply because you are afraid to be someone other than the person you are expected to be. I think you are afraid to be yourself (with all of the shock and disapproval that might bring).

But I have definitely been known to be wrong, and I seem to be the only person who sees this … I just thought I’d throw this out there because this is what jumps out at me.

(Source: Ask E. Jean)

I don’t like my best friend anymore. We no longer enjoy each other’s company. We’ve been friends since high school, but for the past 3-4 years, we’ve grown apart so much that I realized we don’t even have the same sense of humour or things in common and I feel that she’s very close-minded and judgmental.

I have a lot of built up resentment, and I find myself dodging her calls sometimes, because I dread talking to her. It exhausts me. I feel like we’d both be better off without each other. I just don’t know how to do it - keep in mind she loves gossiping and this girl knows every secret of mine and she has the potential to turn into my worst enemy.

(Signed) Just not feelin’ it.

Viktoriya: It’s perfectly normal to grow apart from people you once had so much in common with. I’d say just have her in your life, but don’t talk/hang with her as often as you once did. There is no need to cut her off from your life, she didn’t do anything wrong, she just stayed the same and you grew up. Just have her in your life, that’s all.

Carly: If you have mutual friends in common and see each other a lot, unfortunately you can’t just “break up” with her without losing a bunch of your other friends as well or causing a rift. However, what you can do is downgrade her from “best friend” to “acquaintance.” Don’t make plans to hang out just with her. Don’t call her or talk to her on the phone if you don’t want to.

Regardless of how you taper things down with her, if she knows all your secrets and wants to gossip about them, she will. Unfortunately you can’t control that. However, you can stay on her “good side” without cutting off all contact since you will have to see her with the rest of your friends anyway. Just make sure not to share any personal information with her from now on and only hang out where there are other people to talk to as well.

Sometimes friendships wax and wane, other times they just run their course, however when there are other friends involved, you have to be sure to make it an easy transition for everyone. Scale back your contact with her little by little rather than a talk of “I don’t want to be friends with you anymore” and that should be doable.

Josephine: Be polite but not exclusive with her. Don’t share new intimate details of your life. Whatever you do, don’t gossip about her. I would continue to let her calls go to voice mail, mostly because you can then find out what it is all about before you talk with her.
AV1: You can see her less and less without the two of you becoming enemies. Just let it fade. Sure you will see each other, but you don’t have to feel an obligation to keep up the bff thing if you aren’t feeling it anymore.

(Source: Ask E. Jean)